Yom rewii – 5th nissan 5776 – superstition or faith?

 

“When I am weak, I am strong”
(2 Corinthians 12, New Geneva Translation (NGU-DE))
(own adaptation)
After an eventful day and night, I can confirm the above word from Paul.

 

It began entirely in the faith of being at the hand of our Heavenly Father, and I believe it anew that it was and is so. Nothing can separate me from that hand anymore.

It began with Facebook, where I invited friends and girlfriends who offered themselves to be my friends. I guess I had a queasy feeling because I saw that I was obviously inviting “easy” women as well. Within a short time, my circle of friends expanded considerably.

With heart palpitations, I then began to examine the new friends. I could not resist the temptation and the right eye ‘tear out of the head’. The more intimate it became, the more my heart pounded. The awareness of my sinfulness was present. One couple in copulation especially captivated me; she rides him, he sucking on her breast, she with languishing open mouth.

 

At night, after the first sleep, the experience is immediately present. I turn on the light, strip naked and start playing with my genitals. Then I stand in front of the big mirror without wanting to masturbate myself. Such a ‘riding game’ would have to trigger an orgasm in my wife, too. In the present state no chance. My semen threatens to come off at any moment.

 

Then I look deeply into my eyes in the mirror and say to myself, ‘So this is the law of sin that I must still serve.’ (Romans 7:25) Yes, but.

 

The but is that Paul was dependent on Jesus Christ, but I am theoretically one level higher; on the 4th level. Well, what good is theory? It must become practiced.

 

After the ‘witching hour’ at 1h I awake again. What else than the above-described experience could keep me awake? I rise to formulate the diary entry. After about 1 hour, the draft is finished. I get ready to return to bed, but then it happens. A mishandling of my “donkey” ruins my work. My entry is, except for the title, deleted. Serenely I return to the bed. God is clearly at work.

 

“For in HIM shall our heart rejoice, for in HIS holy name have we trusted.”
(Psalm 33,21, own translation, daily slogan of the Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine)

 

כי-בו ישמח לבנו כי בשם קדשו בטחנו

 

ki-wo yissmach libenu ki weschem kodscho watachnu

 

How could I do otherwise? GOD is clearly at work!