Report of accountability after the “Apprenticeship”
Table of Contents:
- Introduction
2. Experience before the “Apprenticeship”
3. Experience during the “Apprenticeship”
4. Conclusions
Introduction
I would like to begin with a verse from a prayer of tongues that I received as a gift from a fellow believer on October 1, 1975. She had translated the poem of tongues herself:
“Have confidence, bestow honor on Him,
He Himself will stand with you,
should the battle be even harder
than you are able to see.”
© reserved
1.1. It all began with a personal crisis
From my biography:
In the summer of 1980, my life took a decisive turn. It was initiated with a serious, long-lasting “midlife crisis.” At the time, I was the Administrative Director at a Deaconess Hospital. Owing to serious disagreements within the Board of Directors on the future focus of the hospital, inner conflicts came to the fore, and I urgently sought a way out. On the recommendation of my actual sister, I took part in a one-week retreat of a German Sisterhood (St. John’s Convent). In self-experience exercises, attendees were confronted with their inner situation. I experienced myself from a completely new angle and realized I had undreamed-of potential. There was a great deal of positive feedback from other participants in the course, and I became an important member of the group. More and more daydreams cropped up inside me, which I couldn’t handle. They didn’t allow me to sleep. At the end of the week, I was identified by the group in a group picture as the biblical Jonah on the run.
1.2. Dramatic rebirth
From my biography:
After one week without sleep, I was ready for a psychiatric clinic. Psychotic attacks robbed me increasingly of control over my feelings. Shortly before being admitted to the hospital, I had an experience that left a deep impact on me. Looking for peace and quiet in my personal prayer corner, my head was spinning ever faster between a symbolic snake and a symbolic cross. The speed increased until I fell to the ground, completely stiff. At this moment, I heard the “Big Bang” and immediately afterward the crying of a newborn baby. In hindsight, this was the moment of my spiritual rebirth.
1.3. Proclamation
Since none of the drugs my family doctor prescribed brought me relief, hospitalization in a psychiatric clinic was inevitable. In the observation room of the locked ward, I paced up and down. I proclaimed my inner view: “I am the Redeemer.” Three carers wrestled me to the ground and gave me an injection to sedate me.
1.4. Promise on August 12, 1980
From my biography:
The Sisterhood was upset over my experience and invited me to come to their community to recover after the three-week stay in the psychiatric ward. On the occasion of a charismatic worship service, I claimed the following Promise for myself:
“If you confide in me and put your hand in My hand and are willing to be guided by Me, you will cross the border into a new country you did not know before and whose miracles are so great that even the most beautiful things you can imagine are nothing but a shadow compared to it. But be sure you don’t stop and stand still when I wish to walk on with you!”
This Promise has been with me ever since and continues to have an important meaning in my life.
2. Experience before the “Apprenticeship”
For a long time I didn’t know how to deal with the Promise (1.4).
2.1. You are an ordinary servant
I was in a bad state and quite helpless after my first stay in the hospital in 1980. I couldn’t cope with my experience. I urgently needed pastoral help. Based on Luke 17:7-10, my pastor at that time explained to me how I was an ordinary (not a useless) servant. – Doing what I was assigned to do, that’s all. Doing God’s will, that’s my main concern.
2.2. Visit to Israel 1994
From my biography:
When I visited Israel the first time in 1994, I had such spiritual and even physical experiences like I never had before. I don’t want to go into it in too great a detail, but it was clear to me at the time that this was the promised crossing of the border. But I found things too unclear and not transpiring quickly enough. On my own inner urging, I received quite a clear inspiration: “Don’t despise the time of small beginnings!” Although it was more like an admonition, this inspiration basically confirmed the path I would take. Nonetheless I waited for another ten years.
2.3. Pivotal dreams 2004
From my biography:
When in 2003 I discovered an advertisement for the “Beit Yona” apartment on a website, I got antsy.
We all know that Jonah was given a second chance. I didn’t want to miss my second chance, so in April 2004 without further ado I rented the apartment for three weeks. This time period turned into a personal retreat for me, during which I had many dreams. One of them, an inspiration in Hebrew, moved me particularly. “Mi mizrachi Ya yishlach” (Yahweh will send from an Oriental). Who this Oriental was and what he would send remained open. Likewise in a dream, I was promised I could complete an “banking apprenticeship” in Jerusalem.
2.4. Calling through Brother Yun
From my biography:
In the fall of 2004, I attended the Feast of Tabernacles in Jerusalem, organized by the Christian Embassy. One of the speakers was Brother Yun, a Chinese national who had been severely persecuted for his religion and was granted asylum in Germany. His life story, which I later read in greater detail in the book “The Heavenly Man,” left a deep impression on me. I realized that Brother Yun was the promised Mizrachi and searched for a way of getting in contact with him. In early 2005, he was on a lecture tour. I visited three of his events and told Brother Yun about my dream and my impression. After praying over it, he came to realize that my lifelong mission was to make up for the guilt of Christians who committed so many crimes against the Jews. A lifelong mission, he emphasized. He laid his hands on me and blessed me for my service.
2.5. Baptism in the Sea of Galilee (fall of 2005)
Having recognized myself as a successor of Jesus, I wanted to be baptized like Jesus. The baptism took place in the Sea of Galilee on October 16, 2005. The baptismal quote was verses 13–15 from the 92nd Psalm:
13 The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
14 Those that be planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God.
15 They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing
(Translator’s note: The German original is from the Schlachter Bible 2000; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
2.6. Demand made by a Hasidic Jew
From my biography:
In the fall of 2006, toward the end of a three-month stay in Jerusalem to learn Hebrew, a Hasidic Jew – recognizable by his side locks – addressed me out of the blue in a commanding tone: “You have to become Jewish!” – “Why?”, I asked flabbergasted. “I am a Christian!” He replied: “That’s exactly why. Jesus was a Jew.” I couldn’t really contradict him. Various experiences induced me to take the demand seriously.
2.7. Conversion efforts in Switzerland failed
From my biography:
On February 21, 2007, I wrote to the rabbi of the Jewish Community, told him about my impressions, described my life since 1980 and asked him for an audience to learn more about the options and conditions for conversion to Judaism. By May 23, I had not received a response so I tried to call the rabbi on the phone. He didn’t pick up, and I left a message on the answering machine, requesting him to reply to my inquiry. I decided to call again after one month should he still not respond. In the event that the rabbi’s answer was negative, I planned to make an effort in Jerusalem to convert to Judaism. I intended to call him again on June 25, 2007.
2.8. Publication of the revelation Rav Kaduri received about the Messiah
The April 2007 edition of the magazine “Israel Heute” (Israel Today) published the following on Rav Kaduri’s description of the Messiah:
In six words, the rabbi and Kabbalist describes the Messiah and indicates that the first letters of these words form the name of the Messiah. It is none other than the biblical name of Jesus – Yehoshua/Yeshua.
…
A few months before Rabbi Kaduri died at the age of 108 (January 28, 2006), he surprised his followers when he told them he had met the Messiah. On Yom Kippur, the last Day of Atonement in his life, Kaduri explained at his synagogue how you could identify the Messiah and that the Messiah would appear in Israel after the death of Ariel Sharon.
…
“Many people and good people in society have a hard time understanding the coming of the Messiah. The aspect many normal people cannot accept is to receive guidance and order from a Messiah of flesh and blood. As a leader, the Messiah will not sit in some office but be among the people and use the media for telecommunications. His rule will be pure, without personal and political desires. Only justice and truth will reign during his rule.”
http://wegedeslebens.info/HOME/Rabbi.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eATJ4PRXEJk&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9NxUbFDWwo
2.9. General meeting, Operation Exodus – Roger Wolcott
I was an auditor with the Swiss branch of “Operation Exodus,” a Christian organization that helps Jews anywhere in the world to make aliyah. In the spring of 2007, I felt I should participate in the general meeting again. Roger Wolcott, an American living in Jerusalem, gave a speech before the discussion of the agenda items commenced. He spoke emphatically and said one of those present has a calling for Israel. This person should beware of not following the calling. The situation is comparable to that of Queen Esther, he said. As is well known, Esther had the task of going to the king and pleading with him for the Jews. Accessing the king without an invitation, however, was extremely dangerous, so the queen had to make a fundamental decision. After having come to say Yes, she added: “…and if I perish, I perish.” I felt personally very touched.
2.10. Dream of June 24, 2007 (St. John’s Day!) – “Lech Lecha”
From my biography:
Around ten minutes before two, a spasmodic pain in my right shin wakes me up. At the same time, I hear the recurrent words: Lech Lecha! (Go there!) I also see a tiny little face. Delicate lines form high arches from the miniature face, similar to the angel on the cover of my 14th Dream Book (see Biography). I changed my position repeatedly, but the pain didn’t go away. I was forced to get up.
Allegory:
Lech Lecha is God’s command to Abraham to move to a strange land. (First Book of Moses, 12:1 et seq.)
Now I had received the same command.
Dear Father in Heaven: I am happy to follow your call! I waive any further inquiries to the Jewish Community. (Item 2.7.)
Invocation:
Lech Lecha! Go to Jerusalem! (to the Promised Land)
3. Experience during the “Apprenticeship”
3.1. I am led into the Beit Tovei Ha’Ir
After saying goodbye to my family, relatives and friends on my 70th birthday, I took a flight to Israel on November 5, 2007, firmly believing that God will guide me.
From the diary:
November 9, 2007 (Friday)
At night I realize I want to leave the “Lev Yerushalayim” hotel and hire the taxi driver I had yesterday, who grew up in Lyon. And really, he knows a Jewish Orthodox hotel quite close to Mea Shearim. It’s called Beit Tovei Ha’Ir (the house of the good people in the city). It’s a class better than the “Lev Yerushalayim,” and I feel quite comfortable there. The taxi driver helps me in getting a good deal, and the price I pay is even lower than what I paid in the other hotel. That my prayer was answered so miraculously filled me with gratitude.
3.2. My computer is what the ass was for Balaam
From the diary:
April 13, 2008 (Sunday)
My computer still has problems with the wireless network. It seems I must beware of rash judgments.
As they have often done, today’s Biblical mottos seem to address me directly. Of course, you might speak of coincidence if you like.
The Biblical motto of the Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine (Moravian Church or Unity of the Brethren) can be found in the Fourth Book of Moses 23:12:
“And he (Balaam) answered and said: Must I (Balaam) not take heed to speak that which the LORD hath put in my mouth?” (Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
My computer – an ass! I laugh out loud when I think of how I compared my computer with Balaam’s ass yesterday. It seems to be just right. The matter is a serious one, though. By the way, the Internet access for my computer has been repaired by an invisible hand while I catch up with my diary. Hallelujah!
My internal motto (own collection) is from Psalm 35:18 and reads:
“I will give thee thanks in the great congregation: I will praise thee among much people!” (Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
If I think this verse speaks to me personally, my heart begins to beat a little quicker.
3.3. Dream of the coming Messiah, presented schematically
From the diary:
May 3, 2008 (Sabbath)
I wake up at 4:00 a.m. and realize I’ve been dreaming. It costs me some amount of effort but I get up to write down the dream. The circumstances are so special I can’t help but describe them:
P.S. About the dreams:
I’m sitting in the dark, because the electricity is off on the Sabbath. Tiredness urges me back into bed. After writing down a little bit of the dream, I close the notebook in order to give my “ass” a rest. It doesn’t obey. The indicator light doesn’t go off. I open the lid, and the lines where I describe the dream are immediately back. I add to the text a previous dream memory (1) and a more extensive description of the dream (2). Again I put the “ass” in sleep mode. I close the lid again. It doesn’t want to go to sleep. On my knees, in prayer, I have the idea of writing this P.S.
Finally, my “ass” obeys me. Better: Finally I have obeyed. I’m overwhelmed by God’s subtle effect on me. I learned another lesson, on the Sabbath, to boot. An exhilarating feeling accompanies me all day.
By now, the parenthesized dream has become so meaningful to me that I have to do without publication for the time being.”
And here the corresponding unpublished dream:
Dream May 3, 2008 (4:00 a.m., in Jerusalem)
(1) I see a strategic arrangement on a blackboard or something of the sort. A number of symbols are arranged in a line. The line is the chronological sequence of history. This is about the return of the Messiah. He’s approaching the last symbol that represents a great danger. In a huge arc, he avoids the danger and starts again at the beginning of history.
(2) I am in a Christian training camp similar to the Alfa Live course. It’s an exclusive group. Every one of us has a folder to which others also have access. I’m struggling with another folder because I have no clear idea about what I should write. In addition, I have the impression that I disturb the group, which is obviously involved in a training course. The goal is to motivate somebody to invite another person, or several others, to dinner. I task Hans and Ruth to invite Peter with a bratwurst. My wife is struggling to understand the “game.” When she understands, she shakes her head about the “crazy” idea.
Allegory:
(1) The Messiah returns to reconcile the world.
(2) Motivation to reconcile on a small scale.
Invocation:
(1) Are you still willing to accept your calling?
(2) Pray for Hans and Ruth and for Peter!
3.4. Dream As the one who sets the tone in a large orchestra
Together with my wife, I go to a meeting with my pastor, which we’d agreed on a while ago. I tell the dream from this morning that signals something important to me:
Dream of February 24, 2009 (about 4:00 a.m.)
I am a part of a gigantic orchestra. I play a kind of a flute. It looks like a transverse flute; the mouthpiece is at the front, however. I must give the A for the orchestra to tune their instruments to. I can hear the note in my mind, and the way I play it is right. Now the orchestra begins to play. It is a Romantic musical piece that I more or less know by heart. Although I feel uncertain, I just play. I play by listening to the other musicians.
Allegory:
I’m a part of a large orchestra. Judaism. I must play the note for the orchestra to tune to.
Invocation:
You have an important function.
3.5. I am referred to the Hebrew of the Bible
From the diary:
April 1, 2009 (Wednesday)
In the last couple of days, a persistent thought has occurred to me, putting me in a joyful mood. In the diary entry dated March 18, I wrote about my disappointment over my experience with the Ulpan Meir; on March 19, I decided to bury the idea of yet another Ulpan visit; now I’m convinced that God doesn’t want to teach me how to speak modern Hebrew during my “Apprenticeship” but that I should study the Hebrew of the Bible in greater depth. The parashah (weekly Torah portion) provides me with ample opportunity to do so. Every day, I study a part of the original text and try to understand it. Texts, which I hurriedly scanned in translation and immediately forgot, suddenly begin to come alive. The history of the Jews is unique, and the fact that God has not yet come to an end with His people fascinates me.
3.6. My sexuality
Two dreams from my diary:
April 12, 2009
(Easter Sunday)
I wake up early (after 2:00 a.m.) owing to a dream. Because dreams have played a major role in my life since I’ve been reborn 28 years ago, I take them very seriously:
“I’m driving with somebody in a car. We just passed a forest when a police officer steps onto the street and stops us. I didn’t drive too fast, I think. The policeman wants to see my driver’s license. “You drove too fast.” At first, I want to pull my boat driver’s permit from my wallet; I notice my mistake and hand the driver’s license to the cop. That’s not the right one either, he tells me. Right, I’ve had a plastic card for a while. I search and search but can’t find it. How fast was I actually going, I ask him. “50.7 h/km.” I laugh out loud. I can’t find the card, just an empty plastic cover. Now I remember. I applied for a new job and needed passport photos.
Another dream made the following allegory clear to me:
Allegory:
You don’t have your eyes completely under control in terms of your sexuality. That’s right. Although I try to turn away my eyes from attractive women, I’m not 100% successful.
Invocation:
It’s not funny! “And if the right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: For it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that they whole body should be cast into hell.” (St. Matthew 5:29 Translator’s note: Bible quote in the German original from the revised Elberfeld Bible; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
April 18, 2009 (Sabbath)
I’m dreaming intensely at around 1:00 a.m. Then I wake up. I reflect upon it. The dreams are so extensive that I can’t at first even think of writing them down. Then I bring myself to do it. Only by and by do I grasp the meaning of the prevalent dream:
“I go to the toilet in my parents’ house to pee. Not with all the will and effort I’m capable of can I close the door. The lock is jammed. While I’m peeing, a man lumbers in; he is the guy who regularly visits his disabled wife in the residence on Sabbath and on holidays. His glasses are “blind” on the right. He sees me, and we both feel a little embarrassed in the same toilet. The bathroom also has a toilet bowl, I point out to him while I finish peeing. He doesn’t find the toilet. Although I’m unsure myself, I walk up to show him and open the door of a cabinet. Here it is. Behind another cabinet door is the shower. Both the toilet and the shower are blocked with all sorts of things. Mother obviously has expected the guest. She’s not home at the moment and she seems overwhelmed by the situation. “Not surprising at her age,” I think. The man wants to know what was in the bathroom before. “A kitchen,” I tell him.
Essence:
Encounter in the toilet of my parents’ house with the man with the “one-eyed” glasses, who always visits his disabled wife at the residence on the Sabbath and on holidays. It’s essential insofar as I have noticed this man (he is the Cohen) in the synagogue due to his religious fervor.
Allegory:
The fact that the man only had one eye reminds me of my dream of April 12, whose invocation had ended with Jesus’ command to pluck out your right eye if it offends you.
Invocation:
Yes, the invocation from April 12 is correct.”
P.S.
After I wrote down the dream, my watch reads 3:40 a.m. I don’t feel the urge to urinate, something quite extraordinary. Usually I have to go to the bathroom at night between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.
Before I slip back into bed, I kneel to worship God for His work. I think of May 3, 2008, and I check whether my computer is in the sleep mode. It’s not!
P.S. P.S.
This night, the same thing transpired. This shows me the significance of my dream.
For a long time afterward, I couldn’t sleep. When I looked at the watch, it read 3:15 a.m. I’ve completely lost it. Obviously, I was subject to a sensory disorder while reading the time on my watch. Shortly thereafter, I became aware of another sensory disorder in relation to my sense of taste. I’ll forgo going into details here. It’s obvious that God wants to make me aware of something new. I’m excited.
3.7. Hallucinations
From the diary:
April 25, 2009 (Sabbath)
In my diary entry of April 18, I wrote about the sensory disorders I experienced and that I was excited to see if God wants to make me aware of something new. In the reading of the prophets (Second Book of the Kings 7:3-20) that matches today’s parashah (metzora = leprous), I found the answer.
Let’s look at the content of the reading: Four lepers had been banished outside the gate of the city of Samaria. The army of Aram besieged the city, and the inhabitants suffered from hunger. In their hopeless situation, the lepers decided to desert to Aram at the risk of being killed. Now the Bible: “And they rose up in the twilight, to go unto the camp of the Syrians: and when they were come to the uttermost part of the camp of Syria, behold, there was no man there. For the Lord had made the host of the Syrians to hear a noise of chariots, and a noise of horses, even the noise of a great host: And they said one to another: Lo, the king of Israel hath hired against us the kings of the Hittites, and the kings of the Egyptians, to come upon us. Wherefore they arose and fled in the twilight, and left their tents, and their horses, and their asses, even the camp as it was, and fled for their life.” (Bible quote in the German original from the revised Elberfeld Bible; the English translation uses the King James Bible.) This is how the capital city of the Kingdom of Israel was saved. I recommend reading the whole story again.
Apparently, Aram’s army had fallen victim to a sensory disorder. The consequence I drew: God, who is behind this sensory disorder, is the same as the One who was behind my sensory disorders. And I want to expect the same impact for His people today!
And the following diary entries:
April 27 (Monday – inexplicable things)
There are inexplicable things (for the time being); this is my most recent experience. I wash all my underwear by hand; all pieces are white. When I pick up an undershirt, I discover two large brownish stains on the front (similar to wine stains), which had not been there before. I apply detergent and rub, but nothing makes any difference. I think of last night: I saw tiny ants wandering around across my small dining table; of the kind I had seen on dates last year. Origin: a mystery. Because I now live in a different room, on a different floor. I believe that God will show me the background if it’s important to me. Could there be a parallel to the hallucinations I experienced?
April 28, 2009 (Tuesday – eventful nights)
I live through quite an eventful night. At 1:00 a.m., I write down a dream that contains an aspect of my past. But I don’t find any direct invocation. At 3:00 a.m. I’m awake again, and my thoughts are moved by different experiences. Above all, the “inexplicable things” described above, namely the stains on my undershirt, is on my mind. I actually own an undershirt with wine stains that I caused a while ago owing to carelessness when I carried my clothes together with a badly rinsed empty wine bottle in my backpack. I’m surprised I hadn’t noticed the stains although I put on the undershirt and took it off several times. Nor can I remember the stains being so large. My eyes must have been “held”; essentially also a hallucination. And the ants. I can’t explain their origin in any way. Perhaps a rather daring thought: The signs before the Pharaoh and the plagues of Egypt. Where did then the phenomena come from?
3.8. Sunflower picture on May 3, 2009
From my “Special experience with the Word of God”:
Today’s motto of the Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine:
“Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed:
let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.” Psalms 25:3
The sunflower picture suddenly came alive. All sunflowers are directed at me and await ME. What a responsibility.
On the sunflower picture from “Experiences and insights of a special kind”:
April/May 2009 / (I didn’t remember the exact date)
After the CEO refused to grant me my wish for a wall decoration, I’ve been looking for an affordable picture for quite a while now. In Jaffa Road near Zion Square, I struck it rich. It’s a sunflower picture by E. Grebel. The shop assistant serves me and is very friendly.
The rickety hanging device with a string doesn’t work. I make three attempts. Then I decide to have the picture framed. I return to Jaffa Road. No chance of finding the store again. The next day, I walk by a gallery that also does framing. The owner seems to be very intrigued. I bring the picture to him the following day. He recognizes me and serves me with great courtesy. Only the best glass is good enough for the picture. I doubt that this is nothing but a racket.
On the Internet, I search for E. Grebel because the name rang a bell with me in the context of the Zurich Reformation. And lo and behold, there is a Konrad Grebel, second child of the provincial governor of Grüningen. He is seen as a co-founder of the Anabaptist movement and is often referred to as its father. He was at odds with Zwingli.
- Grebel is Prof. Dr. Eva K. Grebel, the only German female professor of astronomy. According to her homepage, her focus is on:
• Galaxy assembly and evolution
• Galactic archaeology and near-field cosmology
• Stellar populations and chemical evolution
• Role, distribution, and nature of dark matter
So who is the painter of “my” picture?
It seems to me that the heretic Konrad Grebel and the astronomer Eva K. Grebel have a great deal in common.
In the beginning, the whole universe was only a small amount of mass. From it developed the star systems and later galaxies. Masses merged, attracted one another, thus growing. That’s the theory. There is no irrefutable evidence of it. Eva Grebel, the only female German professor of astronomy, supports this theory. When galaxies are formed, she calls it “galactic cannibalism” – large galaxies gobbling up smaller ones. The Milky Way, to which the Sun and the Earth belong, is one such cannibal. To prove her theory, Grebel needs accurate maps of the universe. She is working with ESA to map the universe.
Because of my Big Bang experience in June 1980, the whole thing appealed to me particularly. Am I usurping something here in the context of my experience with the daily motto that God alone is entitled to? The experience on May 4, 2009 (3.9.) goes in the same direction.
3.9. Heard rolling thunder, May 4, 2009
From my diary:
The daily motto of Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine in Isaiah 40:10:
Behold, the Lord God will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his [God’s] reward is with him [with his arm], and his [God’s] work before him [before his arm].”
<The words in parentheses are my own and constitute an interpretation. (Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.) The second part of the daily Biblical motto does not even belong to it according to the book of mottos.>
I mention this motto because I heard rolling thunder when writing it down and translating it. That’s something very special inasmuch as a strong desert wind (the khamsin) is blowing today. The khamsin is dry, and temperatures climbed up to over 30°C; so no thunderstorm. For me, this rolling thunder is “God’s voice.” In retrospect, I’m filled with awe when editing it (it’s 5 minutes to midnight).
Could it be that God will use me as his “arm”?
3.10. Halfway through my “Apprenticeship” in May 2009, an intense period of time
From my diary:
May 5, 2009 (Tuesday)
Today, it’s been exactly 18 months since I began my “banking apprenticeship” in Jerusalem. Does it mean I’m halfway through? Anyway, it’s an occasion for me to take stock and draw up a balance sheet. For a “banking apprentice,” it’s appropriate to present the balance sheet in the correct form:
Balance sheet as at May 5, 2009
| ASSETS | LIABILITIES |
| Silver coins Gold coins Gold bullions Pearls Diamonds (cut and uncut) (GUIDANCE, DESTINY, EXPERIENCE, DREAMS, INSIGHTS) |
Loneliness
Profit (very gratifying) |
| Balance sheet total | Balance sheet total |
St. Matthew 13:44: “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field.” (Translator’s note: Bible quote in the German original from the revised Elberfeld Bible; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
For about a week, the “ass” wrote ¨j,ge and other character strings into quite different documents and files, on its own, as if by an invisible hand. In the text of a dream that I’d written down, ¨j,ge occurred more than 30 times; and in the Hebrew database, I retained and commented on the following:
May 22, 2009
Hebrew dictionary
umigidufotam(pl+Suff+min¨j,ge+we), (gid¨ju,gef¨j,ge ¨ju,gef¨j,ge (was inserted by an invisible hand) L090522 Jews found ¨j,ge Jews saved(?) ¨ju,gef¨j,ge (Translator’s note: gef = found, ge = saved) was inserted by an invisible hand
When I wrote “Jews found” under “Comments,” the invisible hand again added ¨j,ge, like an instant confirmation.
The meaning of ¨j,ge remains open. Up till now, I had interpreted the hieroglyph as “Jesus crucified.” The ¨j was old world. In the new world, it means: Jew(s) found.
Al-tir’u cherpat enosh
U¨j,ge¨j,ge umigidufotam al-techatu
Do not fear the vilification of man
And their insults erschüsq.ü ersch¨j,ger erschreckt (Translator’s note: erschreckt = frightened) ¨j,ges q.ü n¨j,ge düsq.ü
My attempt at interpretation:
¨j,ge¨j,ge Jew found! Jew found! New insight May 28, 2009:
“Amen,” “That’s right!”
difference from ¨ju,gef ? (May 30, 2009) Maybe it was me who inserted the U (from giduf)
¨j,ge¨j,ge might mean: Yeshua found
Yehoshua found. (May 30, 2009)
üsq.ü overlooked almost overlooked
¨j,ger Jew ge,saved
¨j,ges Jew seen
q.ü almost overlooked
düsq.ü
Father in Heaven!
These are my pathetic attempts at an explanation.
Please help me!
Is my teacher the Jew found?
Am I allowed to ask him if he also thinks I’m crazy?
I asked him on May 23, 2009. He didn’t think, like my brother-in-law, that I am hovering above the ground.
3.11. Elohim watedaber and 2nd morning star
From my notes on special experiences:
June 2, 2009 (Tuesday, before 3:00 a.m.)
Half in a dream, half awake I see: אלהים ותדבר
elohim watedaber; First Book of the Chronicles 17:17 (the only passage in the Bible with this phrase)
The verse reads as follows:
“And yet this was a small thing in thine eyes, O God; for thou hast also spoken of thy servant’s house for a great while to come, and hast regarded me according to the estate of a man of high degree, O LORD God.” (Translator’s note: Bible quote in the German original from the Schlachter Bible; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
After I’d found this verse, I got down on my knees at the window to worship God and question Him. The morning star had apparently risen not long ago. Suddenly, I saw a “second morning star” moving away from the first. After a while, a light began to blink. It may have been a helicopter, but for me it was an memorable image.
3.12. A colony of black ants in the garbage bag – Mekor Baruch
Two diary entries:
November 1, 2009
(Sunday)
I had put the nearly full garbage bag in the sink to put in some more rubbish. When I lift the bag, a colony of large black ants swarms out, crawling through a hole in the bag. How is it possible that such a colony of ants can emerge over the Sabbath? I have no idea how the ants got into the bag.
November 4, 2009
(Wednesday)
From 1:00 a.m. to my getting up at 3:30 a.m., I lie awake and turn many thoughts over in my mind. I am open to speaking from God. I think of the ants (November 1, 2009) and the planned overbuilding of the Schneller Orphanage (Syrian Orphanage) by Haredim (ultra-orthodox Jews). A Jewish woman had compared the Haredim with ants to me a while ago.
The area in which the Schneller Orphanage is located is officially called “Mekor Baruch”: source of Baruch or blessed source. Baruch is the name our travel guide Marianne had given me in 1994. Ursula, my wife, was given the name “Tova” (the good one). If the whole thing makes any sense, I won’t miss the “good one” in the future.
3.13. I can’t get Mekor Baruch out of my mind
From my diary:
November 11, 2009
(Wednesday)
At ten minutes past twelve midnight, I need to go to the bathroom the second time this night. Urination is painful. I don’t really have to go and, still, I have to go. Does God want to tell me something?
This is why I get down on my knees at the open window to tell God I am open to His speaking.
Several things go through my mind:
– Mekor Baruch with the ruins of the Syrian Orphanage (Schneller Orphanage) directly in front of my eyes (diary, November 4, 2009)
– Ottoman Empire (diary, May 19, 2009)
– My classmate from secondary school
– A.B. with my credit note in NWW 141,300 (NWW = new world), created some months ago owing to a dream.
Then I put the “ass” to sleep and get down on my knees again. After a while, I notice that the “ass” is still blinking and waiting for input! (I had similar experiences twice already with my previous “ass.”)
In the context of Mekor Baruch, I also thought of my “Tova” (diary, November 4, 2009). So now I make up for it!
I try to put the “ass” to sleep. It doesn’t obey! Normally, you only need to press a button.
It is now 1:38 a.m. A loud, steady, slow hammering sounds from Mekor Baruch (can they do that at this time of the night?).
Now it stopped.
The ass still doesn’t want to go to sleep.
It’s now 1:47 a.m. A blue flash passed by outside, maybe from a police car.
—
(After I wrote the last note, the “ass” lets itself be set into sleep mode at the touch of the button without resisting!)
3.14. A star with a message
From the diary:
November 20, 2009
(Friday)
During my personal early morning prayer. I’m kneeling at the window. I thank God for my second calling and make a comparison between the retirement and care homes of the Deaconess Hospital and the Beit Tovei Ha’Ir. I’m aware that the purpose of both institutions is similar. At this moment, a star flashes brightly, or is it a plane? No. Neither a star nor an airplane can be discerned. So it is a hallucination of the kind I had experienced several times over the last few months. The shining of the star seems to me like a confirmation from God that the second calling is identical to the first. Brother Yun, who had given me the calling at the time, had mentioned that God does not change His callings.
The daily motto of Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine:
“And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.” (Daniel 12:3; translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
3.15. More stars
From my diary:
December 23, 2009
(Wednesday)
As always, I’m on my knees near the window for my morning prayer. While I pray for both our families (Ursula’s and my own), that no member shall be lost, a bright star lights up in the sky. A few seconds later, the star disappears just as suddenly as it appeared. I interpret the shining of the star as a promise and an answer to my prayer.
And in the circular mail dated December 24, 2009, I wrote:
Before I travel to Switzerland on December 28, 2009, here another “mail.” My experience of December 23 makes it easy for me to believe in the star of Bethlehem and also in the star of Balaam (Fourth Book of Moses 24:17). When I prayed this morning and lingered a bit on the “Your will be done,” a star lit up slightly in the southern part of Jerusalem, as though in confirmation (Bethlehem is south of Jerusalem).
3.16. I’m hoodwinked by crooks
In mid-January 2010, I was contacted via Skype by a “bank director” from Dubai. “You could inherit a dormant fortune,” he explained to me. After several inquiries and prayers and two nearly sleepless nights, I transferred an “advance payment on costs.” I came to the conclusion that the “treasure in the field” promised by Jesus was not only a spiritual one in my case. On January 28, 2010, the bank at which I had made inquiries about the Anti-Money Laundering Act sent me a sobering answer. In all likelihood, I had fallen for a scammer, the bank’s criminal service told me. In a dream on February 9, 2010, I learned how demanding and challenging it is to handle a large sum of money. The basic problem of the enneagram “five” is greed. Again, I had walked into their trap.
And here’s my diary entry:
March 2, 2010 (Tuesday):
Now the last doubts have been dispelled. I was really taken in by scammers, who are now withdrawing from the scene in an elegant way. Through the “lawyer,” I receive a letter from the Ministry of Finance: There was a strong suspicion of money laundering, and I should call on them in person and bring along certain documents.
I decide not to respond any more, not to the “lawyer” nor to the “banker.”
Conclusion:
I didn’t pass a midterm exam of my “Apprenticeship”! And: I do not want to stand still if God wants to walk on with me!
From my diary:
March 8, 2010 (Monday)
I’m at the window saying my morning prayer. Like every day, I also say the Lord’s Prayer. When I speak “Give us this day our daily bread,” a very bright star lights up above the roof of the adjacent building at exactly that moment. I’m stunned. It reminds me of the star apparition on December 23, 2009, in the night sky of Jerusalem. The message of today’s star is from God: Don’t worry! Don’t grieve over lost money! You are still walking with your hand in Mine. The Promise for today’s sustenance is enough. After about a quarter of an hour, I realize that the star was the rising half-moon. With my short-sightedness, I can’t see its contours without glasses. I think of a statement from my Jewish teacher: “All miracles have a natural background.” This experience is like a confirmation. For me, the sudden appearance of the moon at the right moment is a miracle.
3.18. The sparkling wedding ring
From my diary:
March 17, 2010 (Wednesday)
After three hours of sleep, I wake up at 12:30 a.m. for no apparent reason. I’m completely awake. This is why I assume God wants to tell me something. I think of many things. I think of the four stellar apparitions: on November 20, 2009: confirmation of my calling; on December 23, 2009: rescue of both families; on December 24, 2009: Your will be done; on March 8, 2010: Give us this day our daily bread.
Sleep is out of the question now. At 2:00 a.m., I get up. In the dark, I fold the extra blanket because warmer weather has been forecast for today. During this activity, my wedding ring glitters. I make certain it isn’t the luminous dial of my watch. It wasn’t. Then it was a vision, not to use the term “hallucination” again. My involuntary stay in Switzerland seems to have an additional purpose.
3.19. A new chance for our marriage.
From the diary:
May 7, 2010 (Friday)
I slept wonderfully; in one piece, without having to get up once, which is quite unusual for me. I’m moved by God’s guidance in the context of Israel’s decision to allow me to spend a month in the Promised Land twice a year. I now understand the twinkling of my wedding ring on the night of March 17, 2010, and the aforementioned additional purpose of my involuntary stay in Switzerland. God is giving our marriage another chance: to shape it according to His will. I want to do everything in my power to make it successful.
3.20. Another midterm exam in the “Apprenticeship.”
From my diary:
August 2, 2010 (Monday)
It has worked out after all. With the express permission of the Israeli Ministry of the Interior in Jerusalem, brokered by the Israeli Consulate in Bern, I fly to Tel Aviv. After presenting the letter to the passport inspection and a brief detour to the police, I get the entry stamp in the passport, one page after the entry ban stamp of February 17, 2010. You might say: “A new leaf has been turned over.”
My feelings are not euphoric. What’s waiting for me there? The question of what my stay in Israel signifies this time is troubling me. Is my calling for Judaism genuine? Could it be I deluded myself with my visions and dreams?
Arrival at the senior residence at around 8:00 p.m. I get a small shock. All my belongings have been carelessly thrown into bags. (I had terminated the rental agreement for the studio apartment in my absence.) I pull my clothes from the suitcase; they are badly wrinkled. I would love to report my arrival to Ursula. No Internet connection! My negative feelings become stronger.
August 6, 2010 (Friday)
During the last couple of days, I had several short circuits in the apartment, and the “ass” crashed accordingly because I don’t work with a battery. It occurred again this morning; room service shows up. I switch on the contactor, like an employee of the Technical Service has shown me. I know the short circuits are caused by the bathroom light. When I press the light switch in the bathroom: a bang, blue sparks, and then the light is gone and doesn’t go back on even when I switch on the contactor. I call the Technical Service. Contrary to all expectations, the bathroom light works again when the technician switches it. As though nothing had happened! I feel pretty stupid.
It might be an allegory. My current stay at Beit Tovei Ha’Ir has aspects of a short circuit. Nothing works! It might be a test and not a short circuit. Wait and see.
August 25, 2010 (Wednesday)
I take part in an excursion that had also been advertised on the outside. About 100 people take part. Two buses take us to the West Bank, where we stop at a settlement. The settlement’s rabbi gives a lecture and answers questions. He has eight children and apparently lives in a very humble home. Something like this is hardly possible without a calling. Then we get off to visit a house in the area of Bet El and Shiloh. It’s called Derech Binyamin (Benjamin’s Way). The owners grow wine and have their own wine press as well as a restaurant. The house originates from the early 19th century. We are encouraged to try the wine and have a meal. In the end, we are shown a movie that deals with the calling of the settlers. For them, God’s promise that they will return to the Promised Land is of great importance (diary of August 19, 2010). Dreams and visions also seem to play a role here. The movie appeals to me because I know dreams and visions with meaning in my life as well (see Joel 3:1). My concerns of August 2 and 6 have dissolved into thin air. It was just a (passed) midterm exam in my “Apprenticeship”.
3.21. Self-confidence as the image of God
I quote from my “Experience with the Word of God”:
October 3, 2010 (Sunday)
Daily Biblical motto of Herrnhuter Brüdergemeine, Psalm 138:3:
Beyom kara’ti wataaneni tarhiweni benafshi os.
“In the day when I cried thou answeredst me,
and strengthenedst me with the strength in my soul.” (Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
The request for self-confidence appealed to me very much; especially in terms of the fact that we are made in the image of God. Self-confidence as the image of God. This entails unlimited possibilities.
3.22. Last day as an apprentice
I quote from my “Experience with the Word of God”:
November 4, 2010 (Thursday)
Today is my last day as an apprentice. The internal motto is:
I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD:
I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only!
(Psalms 71:16. Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
3.23. First day as a “clerk”
I quote from my “Experience with the Word of God”:
November 5, 2010 (Friday)
When I awake, shortly after midnight, I realize that today is my first day as a clerk in the kingdom of God. I made it through without an exam. Instead of taking an exam, I intend to give my wife an account of my calling.
The internal motto today is:
Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies.
(Psalms 60:14. Translator’s note: Bible quote translated by the author in the German original; the English translation uses the King James Bible.)
I believe that God will make use of us as a marriage.
The transition from an apprentice to a clerk is seamless. I am impressed that the “I” from November 4, 2010, becomes the “We” on November 5, 2010. My prayer to God is that my wife will find her place and that I can become for her the husband that “gives himself” like Christ (Ephesians 5:25).
The “strength” (3:22) and the “valiant things” (3:23) from November 4 and 5, 2010, in the report of accountability remind me of my diary entries, exactly 1 1/2 years before, namely on May 4 and 5, 2009.